wish you were somehow here again

能够在一起。可我不知道，我当初的快乐是真的，当初的不快乐也是真的，因为脑海里全部都是一个人而没有了自我导致的自我厌恶也是真的，可我还是沉浸其中，可能着就是在爱与痛的边缘吧。但我还是会不开心，因为许映早就已经看透我，我就是他众多粉丝的其中之一，而他怎么看我呢，又一个粉丝，还是男的，死皮赖脸的发视频拍照，夸他。他几小时之前的愤怒也仅仅只是你是我的粉丝你喜欢我怎么能和别的人上床的这种莫名其妙的独占欲的愤怒，能有什么爱呢，怪异，变态的爱么，可这也不是单单对我，我只是他众多认识的学弟中的一个，他认识的众多和他喜欢同类音乐的一个，他看到的众多为他疯狂的粉丝中的一个，他的仰慕者中平平无奇的一个。很荒诞不是么，无论是我的感情，他的感情，还是我们之间皮毛一般却让我记忆犹新的瞬间，都让我觉得可笑讽刺。可我又什么...

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